by John J. Walters
I was wracking my brain trying to think of something to write about that was at least partially meeting related while listening to music (as I usually do while I work) when it hit me — what is it you’re asked to do for the majority of nearly every meeting? Listen!
I’ve always admired the people I’ve met that possess the skill of listening more than they speak. It is certainly not something that I do very often, although I really wish it was. When I speak I give my opinion, my advice, or my reaction to something. I am rarely surprised at what comes out of my mouth, and I rarely ever learn anything. When I listen, however, I never know what I am going to hear. So long as I am “tuned to the right station,†anything is possible.
A quick Google search for “listening†will pull up a ton of articles on the subject. I grabbed three from the first page at random and read through them quickly to see what they had to offer, which I will summarize briefly here.
The first article was written by Larry Alan Nading, PhD. Its value is in its simplicity, and in the broad number of topics that it covers. The most important lesson to learn from it is about the three basic listening modes. There’s competitive (where we’re only waiting for our turn to speak), passive (where we listen but do not participate) and active (where we listen and then seek to understand completely through verification). Simply being aware of what type of listening you are employing in a given situation will often make you a better listener. The article is a good introduction to the art of listening, if you’ve never really given it any thought.
The second and third articles focus primarily on active listening skills, which is helpful as long as you truly understand what active listening is. Active listening is more than just carrying on a conversation. One article summarizes it quite nicely as “being able to repeat back in your own words what they [the speaker] have said to their satisfaction.â€Â The words are theirs but the emphasis is mine. When someone talks they are (hopefully) talking for a reason. If you can’t summarize that reason back to them immediately after listening, then you’re not listening effectively.
Both articles contain some very helpful hints and tips to improve your listening skills. I highly recommend reading them, especially the one on MindTools.com as it is the most career oriented.  But improving your listening skills doesn’t have to be all about being a more effective meeting participant. I’m sure your friends and your spouse or significant other would appreciate a little more active listening from you as well.